Membalik Huruf

Pernikahan itu..

Seperti merubah ME menjadi WE
Selayaknya membalik huruf M di kata Me
menjadi => W di kata We

M ==> W
Me ==> We

Tapi banyak yang bilang,
pernikahan tidak akan semudah membalik huruf itu
semoga, kesadaran ini menjadikanku terus berikhtiar
untuk menjadi siap melangkah menuju pernikahan
Amiiinn...

happiness

One said, there are only two great happiness in the world

First is the time when water come to the dry land. It means life
Second is a mother's happiness to see food coming to her children's mouth. It means life

Mom, may all blessings from the Creator of water be bestowed upon you
as your hand is the key to our life



I dedicated this to my mom and great mothers in this universe

I'll back off so you can live better

Be true to yourself and face it all.. And I'll back off you can live better. But better be happy, you!

a tale of two guys

Hei.. tell you a story

I met this guy
when I am about to forget the love of my life
On the brink of life and death
as not forgetting my love means death

I thought I like this guy
for he is charming in style
for he is beautiful in look
for he is smart in book

But never taught that love calling me back
in the name of memory
as love walked in again
not with sadness, only laugh

Only laugh to tell me
That we are now friends for life
that the gate of the sad past has been closed
as the guy helped me close it

I thank love for making me smile again
I thank life for releasing me from pain
I thank the guy for helping
for I walk to another life with neither of two guys

And I walk alone, with love in heart, with life in hand

this love

this love..
the most beautiful love in life

no hate, only love
no prejudice, only acceptance
no jealousy, only understanding
no anger, only forgiveness
no lie, only honesty

no need the brain to calculate
only heart that says
i am happy to love you
to ever love you in heart
to care for you in love

now that we smile to each other
we know we are friends for life

kau dan aku tiada

aku ingin disampingmu menyambut pagi
aku ingin berada dekatmu menjelang hari
aku ingin bersamamu di kala senja
aku ingin bersamamu saat hanya ada bintang di waktu malam

tapi sayangku
itu satu tahun lalu
masih 6 bulan lalu
bahkan minggu lalu

Kini
itu tak mungkin lagi
itu tak bisa lagi
karena kau tidak ada di hidupku lagi


Kyoto, 21 September 2009

sayap

Bentangkan sayapmu, cinta
arungilah samudera itu
jelajahilah langit itu
jangan ragu
aku kan menunggumu kembali
menanti setia di tepian bumi
menggenggam seikat rindu untukmu
hanya untukmu
itu janjiku
dan itu pula doaku


Kobe Port, 09 July 2010

When it's at night

moon lights when it's at night
stars shine when it's at night

clover leaf closes when it's at night
eyes are closed when it's at night

i remember you when it's at night
and i remember you too when it's at day

Kyoto, 28 November 2008

The people you meet in your life

It is said that after a person was born
You will meet approximately 30.000 people before you die
Of those, the number of people you'll meet and work at school is 3.000
And of those, you will intimately know 300
Among all those encounters, it is said God has arranged a special one for you
One made even before you were born
And yet, that unseen person in your destiny
is connected to you by an unseen red string in your pinky (finger)
That special bond of fate is invisible to everyone
And there is no map for you
But the meeting is a destiny
It is only the ride that remains a mystery
That is why, you will fall for that destined person the moment you two meet


Inspired by 2008 Japanese Dorama "Akai Ito"


Kyoto, 3 January 2009

Sponge and Rock

Woman's heart is like a sponge
So soft.. Look fragile
It absorb the water so easily...so quickly
Woman can fall for someone who pour her even with only attention and affection, not love.
We can grow loving someone..
Although we later find out that it is unrequited love
But we stay strong...our heart might break but it is a sponge
As much as it is dropped or is sqeuzeed, it bounce back


Man's heart is more like a rock
So strong that it takes millions drop of water to make a hole
It stands so firm, like nothing can change it
Once it loves someone, it order the brain to chase for it
The trial to conquer is man's nature
But to make a handprint in that heart..
how many millions of water should be poured?
How long?
What about if the sponge has dried out before time?


Then I remember my mom once said
"It is better for you, girl...to be loved than to love"

4 February 2009

Her Story

She dims the light, yet she starts to write

Never in my life, I have a feeling like this
a feeling toward a man that appeared never less than perfect
a man who painted good memory after good memory
a man of his words
life with him in my days was no different than living a fairy tale

then, before I realized that fairy tale never made well into reality
I could not stop this feeling from growing
growing and getting stronger day by day
and now that he's gone, his memory lives on

she smiles and whispers to the stars
"please cherish him for me, and his memory cherishes me"


My Room, Kyoto, 2 May 2009

lintasan benang merah

hidup itu laksana lintasan ratusan benang merah
lintasan yang menghubungkan begitu banyak jalinan kisah manusia.
bersilang kesana kemari. ruwet..
tapi itulah hidup.
Selalu ada titik silang diantara hidup satu manusia dengan manusia lainnya...
titik silang itu bernama takdir dan jodoh...

3 Mei 2009

Selfish

It is early in the morning
and I feel unease
It is not about you
It is about me

It is me not wanting to forget you
It is me not wanting to let you go
It is me not wishing to loose you
even when you no longer linger in my world

i still remember the sky we saw together
i still remember silly topics we talked
i still remember secret stuff we shared
then wondering if you remember

one said
everyone has somebody they are waiting for
everyone has somebody they want to see
so, if we have someone to wait
someone out there is also wait for us

if i wait for you, will you come back to me?



p.s.
‘ i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. i love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so i love you because i know no other way …’


17 Juni 2009

Satu malam di bulan Ramadhan nan suci

Di suatu malam di bulan Ramadhan nan suci
Aku duduk bersimpuh dan berdoa pada-Mu, ya Rabb..
Agar Engkau jadikan aku, keluarga dan teman yang kusayangi
sebagai orang-orang yang beruntung
orang-orang yang tidak merugi, tidak merugi dalam waktu

Di suatu malam di bulan Ramadhan nan suci
Engkau tunjukkan padaku jawaban atas doaku
Janganlah aku menunda sesuatu
Janganlah aku menunda apa yang bisa kulakukan saat itu
Agar aku termasuk orang-orang yang beruntung akan waktu sempitku

Amin...Amin...Amin...

17 September 2009

My friend.... Saranghaeyo means I Love You

My friend,
I remember the first time I met you
The first time I see you
The first time I hold your hand
The first time you tell me your name

My friend,
I remember the times we spent together
Hours and hours sitting next to each other
Hours and hours eating and eating and eating
Hours and hours just talking to each other

My friend,
I remember the moment we had together
the moment we travel together
the moment we enjoy changing seasons
the moment we spent together

My friend,
now that you will lead your life different than mine
now that you will embrace brighter path in the future
now that you will enjoy the freedom of living
now that you will live separate life from mine

I am wishing you nothing but all the best in life
I am wishing that life will treat you so kind
Cause life has treated me so kind for having you in my life

now, let me say one thing I might never said before
"I will always care for you and cherish you..
I cherish any path you take for your future
and let you do it your way
and will accept whatever way you choose"

Hoping for your happiness and success
while hoping for you to know that I will always be here for you
I will always be here with open arms if your need it
Because you are my friend, my friend..

As one kindly remind me that,
"sincerity in love means knowing to stop somewhere in life and nowhere in heart"

No More You

I finally meet them..
but there was no you.

I greet them...
But i couldn't find you

I wish you were among them.
There is no more you.

No more you smiling at me
No more you calling out my name
No more you...

But only this time,
Can I ask you to come back?
I love you and I miss you..


25 September 2009

Love knows no reason

a friend asked me one day
"why do you love him? why it is so hard for you to get over him?"

I can only answer
i love him the moment I met him
I love him the day I talk to him
I love him the second he smiled at me
I love him the moment he called my name

I love his jokes and the way he laugh
I love his stupid reasoning and excuses
I love when he tell stories, stupid and funny stories
and I still love him even when he is being disgruntle and annoying

I still love him when he is away
I still love him when he forgets to call me or send a message
I still love him even when he said he has a special someone in his life
I love him still..

and to tell you the truth
I knew I loved him before I met him

29 November 2009

What is that one thing

What is one thing that is free of charge?

We can create it free of charge
We can create it when we are conscious
We can also create it when we are unconscious

Those who are poor can create it
As well as those who are rich

Those who are educated can create it
And those who even cannot read can create it

We can keep it
But we can also forget it

We can make it it
But we can also forget it

We can make it
Or keep it as it is

What is that?

18 December 2009

Sahabatku, jangan ambil cintaku

Sahabatku,

Engkau yang pertama kali memberitahu aku tentang dia
tentang siapa dia
tentang cinta dia
tentang pemikiran dia
tentang kehidupan dia

Engkau yang pertama kali memberikan senyum itu
ketika aku mengatakan padamu
teman, seperti aku menemukan pelabuhanku
tempat kumelabuhkan asa dan cita

Engkau yang pertama kali kuberitaku
akan cerita cinta ini
cerita baru yang muncul layaknya bintang jatuh
tak terduga, tak disangka

Dan engkau sahabat
berbagi denganku
senyum dan tawa itu
cinta itu

Tapi...
engkau juga yang pertama kali meragu
meragukan akan ketetapan hatiku
meragukan keputusan jiwaku
meragukan bisikan nuraniku
bahwa dia lah orang yang kutunggu

Sungguh,
takdir tidak pernah berucap
sebelum waktunya tiba
tak juga berujar setitik rahasia

Entah rahasia apa yang dibawanya
angin membawamu dekat kembali dengannya
membawanya kembali dekat denganmu
dan menjauh dariku
dan ku menjauh darinya

Sahabat,
maafkan aku
tapi aku cemburu
aku mencemburuimu

aku tahu engkau tau
aku tahu engkau tak mungkin melangkahiku
aku mengerti sahabat

tapi takdir siapa tahu
takdir siapa sangka
dia akan berkata apa
mungkin engkau akan bersamanya
atau akulah yang bersangding dengannya

satu pintaku
sahabatku, jangan ambil cintaku

tali jiwa

Kuserahkan jiwa ini untuknya
cinta ini untuknya
raga ini untuknya

Tapi ia lari pergi
berlari tak tentu arah
berlari sekuat jiwa

kemanakah engkau pergi?
larikah engkau dari bumi?
terbangkah engkau ke angkasa?

ah ternyata tidak
engkau hanya bersembunyi di balik tirai
tirai jiwa yang membelenggu
mengikat kaki hatimu
menarikmu sekuat tenaga

ah, seandainya kau mengijinkanku
kan kubantu kulepas tali temali itu
meski itu rumit
kan kuulurkan tanganku untukmu

maukah kau?

hai

Hai cinta...
kalau kau merinduku
cukup kau lampirkan kata itu
pinta bulan untuk memeluknya
aku juga merindumu

hai kasih
kalau kau ingin menyapaku
cukup kau liat cerminan air
pinta sang angin meniupkan nafasnya
aku kan berada di ujung bibirmu

hai sayang
kalau kau ingin memelukku
cukup kau ulurkan tanganmu ke langit
ada bintang yg bersinar disana
aku kan terbang ke pelukanmu

hai cinta
hai kasih
hai sayang
aku juga merindumu

asal

kau boleh memikirkan siapapun
tapi bukan dia

kau boleh menyapa siapapun
tapi bukan dia

kau boleh bicara tentang siapapun
tapi bukan tentang dia

kau boleh menatap siapapun
tapi bukan dia

kau boleh menyukai siapapun
tapi bukan dia

kau boleh merindukan siapapun
tapi bukan dia

aku cemburu!!

dia hinggap dan menitikkan air mata

hari ini, bumi turut merasakan pedihnya

sebuah perasaan asing ini hinggap tanpa suara
masuk ke rumah hati tanpa mengetuk pintunya
tiba-tiba masuk dan menyergap
Merampas kebebasan yang baru saja dirasa
Kemudian menabur benih-benih cadas menusuk

Aku bertanya,
wahai engkau tamu agung
siapakah engkau?
mengapa engkau tiba tanpa mengucap salam?

Ia tak menjawab
Hanya duduk bisu di sudut ruang
Dengan nanar dia menatapku
Ini karena ada seseorang bernama cinta dihatimu,
ia tiba-tiba berkata

Karena dia hadir, aku hadir
Karena dia tumbuh, aku tumbuh
Karena dia ada, akupun ada

Satu yang membedakanku dari cinta
ia berkata
Bahwa ketika aku hadir, langitpun tahu
Ia akan menitikkan airmatanya untukmu
Agar engkau tahu
Bahwa engkau tidak sendiri
karena bumi membasuh lukamu dengan air langitnya

siapakah engkau?
dia hanya termenung dan duduk
kembali diam tak bersuara

cemburu ini membunuhku

cemburu ini

mengusik keheningan malam
membuatku terjaga di pagi buta
menahan setiap tarikan nafas
menanarkan mata

menginjak cintaku
mengoyak ragaku
membelah jiwaku

untuk kehidupan yang tak lagi tumbuh
untuk sebuah cita yang tak lagi ada
untuk sebuah cinta yang tenggelam
untuk sebuah asa yang rubuh

cinta ini
cemburu ini
membunuhku

縁, the bond between us

縁（えん/en), in Japanese it means bond or connection or emotional ties. A bond between two person. A destiny that lead them into a crossing in life.

An bond that creates unique connection between people. a bond of family, a bond of friendship, a bond between student-teacher, a bond between bos-staff, a bond between shop owner-customer, even a bond between people who just cross the street at the same time and never meet again in their lifetime.

Have you ever read a novel called "the five people you meet in heaven"? The book tell us a story about a man who just passed away. He then went to heaven where he had to cross through 5 rooms, to meet 5 people. The 5 people will explain him his true life even if this man didin't realize that they were indeed in his life.

So strange human relationship, that we never know what people in our life will do for us and us for them. But I believe that people are coming into our life for a reason, bringing something for us to learn, to experience. We are lead to those who help us most to grow if we let them to. Sadly, no one of us have a map to tell what role will that person have in our life or vice versa. No guidelines of what we do too. Like the man in the book, we are all clueless. Clueless to a simple event and a meeting with one person might change our life forever.

Well, I don't know either. Who among the 300.000 people that I might encounter in my life will teach me the most or vice versa. What will their role in our life. As the book try tell us, each and every one of them have their own role in our life and we are in their life. Maybe we will meet them again or maybe not. Who can say?

Today, I finished some document to rule out my plan for departure from Japan after finishing the master degree. The bell just hit home! It has been two years since I came to Japan and I am leaving Japan soon. Time went so fast. Then I ask myself, will I meet all these wonderful person again in my life? Will someday I have a chance to hug them again? Talk to them again? To see their face again? I heart hurt thinking about that

When Ayana tell me that there is an EN, a bond between us, I believe that whether we will meet again or not, we will be bonded forever. In a bond that unique from one to another. That in each bond will bring us smile and joy, sadness and tears, laugh and hugs, smile and kiss. In Indonesian, we call it, "jodoh".

For everyone in life is indeed special.

cinta

Cinta, aku mencintaimu tanpa suara
tanpa nada
tanpa rupa
hanya sebuah tanda
bahwa aku mencintaimu
di setiap tarikan nafasku

The Warrior of Peace

It supposed to be a normal discussion with Honna sensei, my supervisor. I asked for his permission to not enroll in any seminar class next semester for the sake of my field research. I am planning to do field research for my thesis this year. Taking full two months in Indonesia since i have no obligation to put more credits to my account. And, he said yes. YES!!

What came next was the one that surprised me the most. When Sensei talked about the riots that felt like yesterday for him, I finally found an answer for my long interest on conflict and conflict resolution. I have been so occupied with this topic, that i don't think any economic-related topic to be more interesting. And the answer is none other than 1998 Riots in Solo, my hometown.

Back then, I was just a high school student. third year. It supposed to be a regular day. Taking computer class for 2 hours as compulsory extra class (oh, since when extra class become compulsory?? ). But that day turned out not to be just another day. It was the day when the riots sweep away the city and turned it down for at least 3 days. It was the day when all "hatred" took control of the so-called peaceful and humble city and turned it into a ball of fire.

I remember my mom called me through school phone and told me to stay at school. She sounded so panic when she told me that angry mass of people were marching toward the center of the city. There was no way from me to come back home alone as my home is exactly at the center. Mom told me to wait at school and waited for my dad to pick me up. But the time went and dad called that there was no way for him to pick me up. So, as time goes by, our principal suddenly asked us to evacuate from school. I went to my best friend's house which luckily located nearby. It was so weird as the police headquarter is just right in front of our school. Shouldn't we safe at school than any other place on earth?

Anyway, i moved to my friend's house. And exactly at 9 o'clock, the city was dark. no light.. and flames started to pull its wings to the sky. I was so worried and afraid.. But what can I do? I could only wait for my dad. Thanks God, dad able to pick me up at midnight. Riding his old ugly bike, we tried to cross the city of fire and angry people. Then a shout stop us.. asking who are we and where we are heading. Looking at our face as if we were their enemy. The one that should not be safely alive that night. God has been so merciful.. we safely arrived home.

But the next three days or so, there was no such a thing called peace. There were only anger, anger, and violence. Burning became such an easy spot, even the city hall was burned. A city hall that had been so proudly claimed as the only building built based on our first President Soekarno's blueprint. Then it was gone. Why? What kind of hatred was it?

I still remember all those angry faces...
I still remember the feeling of crossing the city of fire..
I still remember the high tension when people tried to burn our neighborhood just because some people from minority race lived at the tip of the neighborhood.
I still remember all the sadness and worries
I still remember the crying from my neighbor that loose their beloved son in the burning accident...
I still remember those days where food was so scarce
I still remember the figure of my father, stand so firmly with other man to protect the neighborhood
I still remember all...

I remember and I remember
And all the memory apparently well kept all these years
The memory that guides me to choose my work
So, i choose conflict and conflict resolution because I don't want to see more conflict
I choose to study ethnic conflict resolution so there will no more us killing each other just because we look different
I choose to study electoral conflict in local politics so there will no more us conflicting each other just because the result doesn't suit our best interest

There was nothing good coming out of conflict
I hate conflict...
But we live with it, don't we?
We live with it.. yet, we have to find ways to overcome it..
We live with this ugly side of us..
Yet, we also have our good side

Together, we can become warrior of peace
for us, and for our children
May peace come to my homeland..and the world

originally written on 29 July 2009

Itung2an Bola

Believe it or not....This world cup is already determined by the numbers....

(1) Brazil won the World Cup in 1994; before that they also won in 1970. Adding 1970 + 1994= 3964
(2) Argentina won its last World Cup in 1986; before that they also won in 1978. Adding 1978 + 1986= 3964
(3) Germany won its last World Cup in 1990; before that they also won in 1974. Adding 1974 + 1990= 3964
(4) Brazil also won the World Cup in 2002; before that they also won in 1962. Adding 1962+ 2002= 3964

Therefore if you want to know what nation is going to win the World Cup in 2010, you only have to subtract 2010 from the magic number that we have determined: 3964. 3964 minus 2010 = 1954

In 1954 the World Cup was won by Germany!!! Probably not scientific... but pretty interesting..

copied from twitter Prabu Revolusi (https://twitter.com/praburevolusi)

Living life is like assembling puzzle

Have you ever thought that life is like a puzzle?

If you ever believe in the so-called destiny like I do, then you must believe that several thing has been ruled out for us long before we were born. Such as born, death and our twin soul. The rest, we have to work out ourself.

Recently, I have been struggling if life. Jolting with many challenges and obstacles. I cried and screamed. To life that never give me any map or clue or hint on how I supposed to live my life. It is like walking in the long dark tunnel without knowing where is the end and what would be the end. It caused some frustration for not knowing what the future hold for us. Especially when thing get a lot tougher than we expected. I couldn't count anymore how many time I want to have a time machine so I can sneak peak the future.

Then again, many said that if we know the future, life will never be fun again. No mystery to be solved, no challenge drain up our curiosity. Life will be boring. Still, how can I make my life fun without having too much curiosity about life?

I remember back in my childhood how much I love playing puzzle. It is mysterious yet fun. Put the puzzle bit by bit. I even dare to have a thousands puzzle just to dare how much I can solve it. Maybe, i should treat life like that. A million part of puzzle. Life is like assembling it, bit by bit. If we got it wrong then we will have to re-do it again. If we got several part right, we gonna see the bigger picture. That is our achievement, our tomorrow.

Yes, living life is indeed like assembling puzzle. God has given us the broad picture, it is us to assemble it. Bit by bit.. failure after failure, Success after success.. and its mystery is what keep us going.

social media and security

What you cannot find in another country, you can find it in Indonesia. Not only certain thing, but almost everything. But, what you can easily find in another country, you might find it hard to see in Indonesia.

Recent social media survey on twitter and facebook reveals that Indonesia comfortably sit as world's third biggest user of facebook and tweet producers. In general, it looks like Indonesia is a technologically savvy community that can put themselves as equal as US and Japan. You might also imagine Indonesian carrying their smartphone everywhere, from bathroom to boardroom. But i guess, imagination can be misleading, sometimes..

If you are an Indonesian or ever visit Indonesia then live like normal Indonesian do, you might find it strange how Indonesian could somehow project themselves as very savvy in technology when living savvy with public transportation means you are bound to loose your magic phone. You can only become savvy when you are at home, office, school or supermall. Well, I might not be in Indonesia for 2 years now, but the last time I came back home, that’s how things went. When I was in supermall, there were blackberry everywhere. Everyone seems to have one. pip..pip..pip.. Even when they have their friends around, the hip and hop in facebook and twitter is still as important. Especially nowadays, Jakarta people could be proud for having their own social media called ‘koprol’ (if you ever heard about it) that allows you to find friends whereever you are. Specially in big mall, the only place you can go for spending time and money.

Let say compare to Japan. If you ride a train or bus, there are one rule that you have to follow. To make yourself comfortable, try to do one of these things: sleep, listen to your mp3, playing games, read books, or doing something with your phone. Other than doing that, you are doomed! You cannot standing or sitting idly or asking people to talk like in Indonesia. That is just so no no! So, the most easily spotted activity, phone! Or even better, one can listen to their mp3 while holding phone at one hand and gamebox at the other. Why they do that? because it is safe to do so. Public transportation is a safe place to do whatever you like including showing off your latest most advanced gadget. Plus, the internet in Japan is way freaking fast. me? sleep ;p

Then, why we are in that hot spot of worlds’ third twitter and facebook users? do we really that savvy and hip? Thanks to cheap smartphone widely distributed nowadays, it is understandable. But who are the user? how is the demographic mapping? do people from small city or rural area outside java even knows what twitter is all about? could it be that the real users (for twitter, as for facebook i guess the number is a lot bigger) just several hundred but they tweet like hundred everyday? most likely to be that case.

Then suddenly I remember one day after North Korea huge defeat 7-0 to Portugal in World Cup. I told a friend, If world cup allows such a game, Indonesia should be allowed to join world cup too!. He just answered, “nope, because there are hundreds of thousands of children still suffer from diarrhea (due to bad environment and hygiene)”. spot on! So, while we are having this problems (let me list: disasters, corruption, porn video scandal, health malpractice, FPI, etc), how do we stand in the highspot of newest technology trend? while we are in number 3 for facebook and twitter, we are also in the top spot for being the most corrupt countries in the world. what an anomaly (>.<)

I know we cannot stop using facebook and twitter. It is useless since for me, they are now Indonesian new version of “warung kopi/coffee shop” where people can connect and talk to each other. Indonesian is just social people by heart. The question is, can we use it in a smarter way? for the better of others too? If not, then the anomaly of social media habit in Indonesia will always be an anomaly.

One thing about facebook and twitter, or friendster, or hi5, or multiply, or whatever is that by using them, we make people far from us closer but drive people close from us further. you choose ;p

originally written on 2 July 2010