Fish Cake and the Falling Leaf

To be honest, I am writing this notes with guilty feeling. Why? Actually, i supposed to finish a paper on low carbon future tonight as I have to submit it tomorrow. But then, I remember when my brain works at its best. a deadliner brain, works perfect from 2-5 am ;P

So, rather than spending my afternoon (read 1-5) in front of the computer and racks my brain out, I choose to enjoy Rits Festival. It`s an annual student festival with multiple stages for music performance, countless food stall and flea market. Rits is changing its color today. Like the leaf which change from green into red and yellow this autumn. While wandering around the super crowded campus with Kisi, I found one food stall that steal my whole attention. The stall is none other than たいやきfood stall, or FISH CAKE!  

Despite its simple design, this fish cake is actually my favorite food in Japan sooo far. It is sweet cake with red bean inside. Eat it while it is still hot. nyam..nyam...nyam...yummmyyy.... ask everybody who went this with me to buy this; mas meidi, kisi, hisashi or irene; and you will know how much i love this particular cake. Ooohh... I can`t stop eating that. And what`s the best of all, I finally know that Japan sell the ready fish cake on package!!! So, all i need to do is to fry them and it is ready to serve. YAAAYYY!!! I am on my way to hunt those fish cake packages! hahahahahahaa.....

While to finally find one good food is certainly one thing, to find a replacement for one favorite smell is just another good thing. Back home, I always love the smell of wet soil after the rain. So far as I can remember, I always like to spent hours in front of my house and my boarding house garden after the rain. The smell is so nice and distinctive. 

When I experience my first rain in Japan, I couldn`t wait for the rain to stop and smell that one good smell. But I was left with empty hope. The smell was not there. I couldn`t find it... I was a bit sad, but I keep my hope high though. I guess, God is always let us to feel home whereever we are, coz this earth is just one. Yesterday, when I had music performance in Kyoto University, I finally find one nice smell that reminds me of the wet soil one. It is the smell of falling leaf in the garden after the rain. How can I distict that? here`s the case. We had a performance in one building. But we had to practice in front of the next building. Between this two building, there is a huge garden of which trees are letting go of its leaf. And it was after the rain yesterday.. After having to go back and forth between the two building, I realize that the garden has this wonderful smell that keep your heart in calm and peaceful state. The combination of the falling leaf, the rain and wet soil is just amazing. I wish Rits has those kind of garden. I would love to stay in front of it for hours rather than in this one small computer room..

fish cake and falling leaf.. what could be better than this two :)

When a time to let go someone so dear has come

What`s hurt more than letting go of someone so dear to us go?

Back then, I read a famous quotation
If you love someone, set him free
If he never come back, he will never be yours
But if he come back, he is forever yours

How much is a chance of a man you like to like you back and come back to you after he left?
How much is a chance of a man to find a home in you?
How many roads to take to finally find that man?
and How much is a chance of a man to come back to you after he left?
When we think that we finally meet that man
We just stupidly realize that it seems that there is a missing link.. a missing piece in the puzzle
And he just left without you knowing whether there is or was you in his heart

a friend reminds me that love can be so beautiful. It can make you happy. Turn you into the happiest girl on earth. But love can be so painful. So painful as it can be that you won`t ever think to fall for any guy again

Sometimes, I think that the world is acting on its own account. It doesn`t bother how people actually want to do, have or feel. The world is no different than an old man. He stand so distance from us. Watching us with his old clock in his hand and standing with his walking stick. So firm he stands that he will only laugh at our good and wrong doings. He laugh, and he just left. Like it is, then when we have life that we want without a man inside to complete us, he suddenly appear in our door. Then, he suddenly can give us the happiest moments in our life. But suddenly, life took him back, robed him from us without we ever expected it. Without asking how we feel. Without giving us a chance to reach him back. He is no different than a shooting star. He appears as fast as he dissapears. Left us alone in despair. Left us alone to find some safe ways to let him go. To let him go..

And to let someone so dear to us go doesn`t come easy. It involves feelings called sadness, hurt, desperation, hopeless, and livingless. That`s why, I guess why love can be sooo painful, though it made us happy for some times. It takes a whole lot courage to enjoy the wonderful feeling of being in love with someone. And it takes a whole lot of courage and love too when a time to let go of someone so dear to us has come.. To let him go without asking `will you comeback to me?`

my early days in japan

After living in Japan just for a few days, I know that living here is just more complicated that I ever imagine before. All things came up at the same time, leaving me to wonder and think what I should do. Its like Im living unreal world here. Sometimes, i just went blank and made mistakes. Some I think fatal and some others just can leave them behind. Having these new environment, I turn my self into a very dependent personality. I depend on Kisi, my new Chinese friend who has been with me since our stay in international house. My Japanese languange skills shows no improvement whatsoever. And just recently, I made mistake, a fatal one, just because I am clueless for what I suppose to do. I do pay the price...

I am lucky though, having wonderful indonesian student as a family and several new friends to help me overcome all these problems. They offer helping hands eventhough they know me just for a while. But yet..i feel so unease. I feel like a burden to them. I don`t know how they actually feel. I guess, I just gonna face this alone. Moving to a new place might be a good start. A place full of sunshine. Learning again and struggle again. I guess it will be painful and hard. But we all learn the hardest way, are we? Living Kisi behind might be as hard as I can feel. But I guess I have too. I start to become very dependent to her. Its really not good. I have to get into my own feet. Oh goosshh..I guess I will make another mistake. again! That`s all i can do, right?? I am just clueless right now..

soal ketelitian

Daku tu orang paling enggak teliti se-dunia. Pa lagi sama yang namanya angka. Tapi kebetulan banget ya..pas tadi ngutak atik alias mensederhanakan laporan pertanggungjawaban kabupaten gianyar buat dimasukkan dalam penelitian, ternyata daku menemukan kejanggalan angka. Dari dua perhitungan mengenai belanja pegawai, hasilnya jauh beda. Apa ini terjadi di semua LKPJ daerah?

never hurts like this

"do you know how much its hurts to like and not be liked in return?"

"do you know how much its hurts to like someone, but yet he likes your friend?"

"and do you know how much it hurts to know the fact that the one you like laugh at other's miserable fate of broken heart?"


It means double pain, triple hurts, and millions of failing faith.

He, the one I really like after all this time, laugh at an attempt made by a good friend in expressing his love. His attempts might be unprofessional, rookie style you may call it. But yet, it is an expression of love. No matter what. Really..this attempt doesn't hurt anybody.

For God's sake...its a flattery if you want to call it. Yet, you laugh about it, make fun of that one friend, and thinking of teaching him something. Oh gosh...he would be better off without any of your ridiculous teaching. Coz I know, no matter what he will do, you will laugh at him on his back along with the one he has trusted all his stories.

You and your friend might never understand what's the meaning of not being loved in return. I know that you have all the priviledges a man can has. Knock it off..get yourself involve with any girl you like. Coz Im leaving you.

Coz this is the answer to my prayer. My heart might be broken inside, but God has shown me who you trully are. The true face of yours... God has saved my soul from hoping that you might be the one I'm looking for all this years. God has saved my mind from thingking of you any longer..God has saved my life..

And I hope God will save your life too..

friend and foe

This afternoon, I finished my series of interview pretty quick. Gw berangkat jam 9 dan kelar jam 3an. Cukup efektif untuk wawancara 4 orang dalam satu hari. Well, if you think I will have some rests afterwards, you are completely wrong! Gw ma Lia akhirnya ke sebuah cafe yang ada inetnya. Boro2 enjoying the view, gw malah ngerjain index sialan itu. 

aside from that, salah satu temen ym gw. awalnya sih kita cuma ngomongin hal biasa aja. seperti ngaben di bali kemarin. habis itu, kita akhirnya ngomongin hal yang mengganggu banget. masalah kerjaan kantor, as usual. Gw ga bisa cerita tp hal itu bikin gw piss off banget. ga sopppaaaann... gw marah en get really carried away. i can understand his feeling. I would be really pissed if it happen to me. Amazingly, he doesn't feel like angry. he just turning into black mood, yet keep doing it in such a short time. I learn from you, mate.. and be strong. Im right behind you

after that, i called another friend. Just because I called him before for another reason. And that call made me realize, calling him is not a good idea. Today and days after. I hate him!!

Now i know..who is the one i can talk to. To share stories, ideas and troubles..doesn't we all learn from experience like this?

mistake, love and regret

deeegg!!!

mati gw!!!


itulah rasanya pas tadi bu Wieq nelpun. Aku melakukan kesalahan super fatal dengan lupa mengirimkan undangan untuk salah satu narasumber. makin panjanglah semua kesalahan gw..setelah tadi siang gw dianggap enggak becus coz bikin power point aja ga bisa. padahal tu power point cuma ditulis sehari. Ya udahlah...terima aja. Gw emang salah.

Nah, kesalahan tidak mengirimkan itu emang fatal. Kilta lihat apa yang bikin gw begitu. pertama, gw selalu aja menunda hal. kedua, jarang banget mengkonfirmasi padahal kerjaan gw selalu deket2 telpun. ketiga, sangat super teledor dan pelupa. keempat, ketidakmampuanku untuk membaca situasi dan kondisi plus analisa psikologi orang. udah tahu bu wik ga mungkin ngirimin undangan sendirian, masih aja itu gw lakukan. bodoh!

hasilnya??? ya begini ini. ga jelas..kebodohan dan ketotolan besar. sepertinya, aku ga pernah belajar dari masa lalu ya??

Bu wik bilang ini karena gw lagi in love. Yeaahh right! im in love??

but somehow..deep down in my heart, i realize that it probably true. it probably are...
do i really in love with him? to the one who open the door after a long time..the one whose smile melten my world? the one that i miss so much during weekend? someone who i can share nice laugh with? someone to whom i can talk? is he really the one?

but why it came so late???
its terribly late to fall for someone..someone like him


i better concentrate to make my life a bit smoother. This case is just the worse that could happen during my life in the office. the worst...

anak lautan + anak lautan = banjir

Kemarin, tepat hari kamis 6 Juni 2008, anak-anak lautan tanpa kostum ijo ketemuan di salah satu sudut resto jepang di pelangi. ada gw, tantan, kapcil, shooter, puss, vegs, kumkum, saphire, pipers, ma hyuga. Oh ya..plus om HOT, tapi dianya pulang duluan .

Nah...tujuan dari ketemuan itu sebenernya buat ngomongin acara gath di anyer. Keluarlah itu semua ide gila buat games en acara senggang disana. Tapi sodara sodara..yang paling ribet ternyata nentuin makanan. macem2 dah yang muncul..untunglah akhirnya nemu juga yang semua setuju.

wuuuaahhh...kalo inget bentuk acara en makanannya, jadi pengen cepet2 gath deh. Dijamin assyyeekkk...

anyway...the best was yet to come after the meeting. Gw bareng kumkum, saphire ma pips pulang duluan karena gw sendiri takut musti loncat pager kos. makluumm...tu pager tinggi berat dan gw ari itu pake high heels. lompat pager is so NO NO!

Tapi apa dayaaa....ternyata ujan dereeess banget. ga bisa pulang deh gw. Secara ga bawa payung juga. Akhirnya gw balik ke dalem lagi. Siapa nyana kalo gw ketemu kapcil, tantan en puss. Akhirnya kita nunggu taksi bareng. Nah ini dia yang bikin sebel. Semua taksi di waktu ujan ternyata belagunya ga ketulungan.

Akhirnya kita mutusin untuk cari taksi aja di depan atmajaya. Oh Tuhan..ini dia tantangannya. Pas masuk jalan depan atma, itu dah berasa kaya laut beneran. Banjir menggenang sampe trotoar. Nah..tiap kali tu mobil lewat, langsung ada ombak besar. Celana digulung dan sepatu dikorbankan. Cuma Tantan yang selamat. kenape? dia langsung manjet tembok begitu ombak datang! hahhahahahaha...nice try, tan..coba ya gw bisa kaya lo. selop gw pasti selamet. hihihihihii...

Pas kita akhirnya nyampe halte, gw langsung bilang ke tantan. Kok gw kayanya dejavu ya...dulu pas mau nonton Joe Cheng juga begitu. Sekarang mau gath di anyer juga begitu. Jangan-jangan...inilah hasil kebanyakan anak lautan ngumpul. anak lautan + kaos maen aer + anak lautan lagi + rencana maen aer di anyer = banjir! emang ga jaoooohhh....
wuuuakakaa