Who Am I ??

Who Am I?



Siapa aku?



Pertanyaan itu bener-bener mengganggu aku beberapa bulan terakhir ini. Selayaknya anak baru gede yang sedang dalam pencarian jati diri, ini aku di usia yang mendekati angka 30 mencari tahu siapa aku sebenarnya.



semenjak bergabung di kantor baru ini, aku dihadapkan dengan begitu banyak tantangan. Tantangan dalam menghadapi berbagai jenis manusia. Tantangan dalam menghadapi begitu banyak jenis pekerjaan dan situasi-situasi yang beraneka ragam. Belum lagi tantangan hubungan antar teman yang jujur terasa begitu pelik semenjak aku kembali ke Indonesia.



Siapa aku dan bagaimana aku bisa berdiri di tengah begitu banyak jenis manusia? aku terasa begitu goyah dan rapuh. Tak sadar, aku merasa lebih kuat ketika melarikan diri ke dunia per-idol-an yang semu. Tapi disitulah aku menemukan kedamaian. Kesenangan yang terpuaskan. Tapi mungkinkah aku akan terus begitu? Tentu tidak bukan?



Aku harus berdiri menghadap cermin lagi. Menanyakan pada diri sendiri, siapa aku dan siapa aku. Aku ini siapa dan aku ini apa. Pribadi macam apa aku ini? Teman macam apa aku ini? anggota keluarga macam apa aku ini? Rekan kerja macam apa aku ini?



Merenungi hal-hal ini, aku jadi berfikir. Sungguh pelik menjadi seorang manusia sosial. Begitu banyak peran-peran sosial yang harus dibentuk dan diambil. Ditata dan dipoles. Digunakan dan ditunjukkan. Sepertinya begitu rumit dan tidak pernah ada titik akhirnya. Lantas, apa aku akan bisa menjawab pertanyaan2 seperti diatas?



Apakah aku teman yang baik, bilamana ketika teman sakit aku malah tidak tahu sama sekali? Apakah aku teman yang baik kalau tidak memahami dan mengikuti apa yang teman lain rasakan? Berbaktikah aku kala hanya menuruti kata Ibu dan tidak mengikuti kata hatiku untuk mengulurkan tangan pada ayahku? apakah aku kakak yang baik kala tidak bisa berbuat banyak untuk mendorong adik sendiri untuk berdiri tegak diatas kakinya? Apakah aku atasan yang baik kala delegasi pekerjaan saja aku cenderung untuk selalu mendiskusikan dan banyak bertanya dengan anak buahku sendiri? Rekan kerja yang baikkah aku kala aku bahkan tidak ambil pusing untuk mengenal mereka lebih jauh?



Pertanyaan-pertanyaan seperti ini menghantui aku. Mengetuk pintu hati yang paling dalam namun terlampau jauh. Menggoreskan luka di jiwa yang sebenarnya rapuh dan gundah. Apa ada gunanya aku bertanya sedemikian rupa?



Haruskah kutanya pada hatiku? Hatiku sendiri sepertinya membeku, bisu, tidak mau menjawab.. Mungkin harus kutanya pada waktu yang selalu acuh dan berlari kencang di hadapanku. Mungkin dia bisa memberikan jawabannya..

Will he..

They say, love won't cost a thing. i guess i am not lucky. love cost me my sanity and belief. A belief that there will be love after this..

a love as great, as beautiful, as sincere..
will I ever feel that again?
will I ever meet him?

Let me be honest, my dream is to get married before 30. It is a dream, not a priority not a target. Now that the number is approaching soon, I don't know if there will be a miracle. Will I ever meet him before 30. Will he ever hold my hand and take it for the rest of his life. Does he even exist?

God, if you really have him in my life, please let be me in peaceful. Not in a restless state like this. Please.. I am begging you..

jujur jilid dua

jujur itu kadang emang menyakitkan, tapi bersikap jujur juga sebuah bentuk pembebasan. Pembebasan diri dari ketidakjujuran. Menuju ke sebuah pembelajaran diri. Untuk tahu siapa kita sebenarnya..

Dan kali ini, gw akan mengatakan yang sejujurnya pula..

Satu, Gw lebih suka nonton drama dan dengerin musik dibanding membaca buku.
Burukkah? mungkin... tapi gw lega udah bisa mengakuinya..

Kedua, gw sangaaaat suka dengan deskripsi kerjaan unhcr.
Never in my life I was so exited on my job. Gw dah muak dengan kerjaan penelitian karena selama ini, kerjaan itu bikin gw frustasi. berkali-kali meneliti dan mencoba advokasi ke penguasa, tapi ga ada hasil yang memuaskan. Tampak nyata di depan mata. Makanya, ketika tahu ada kerjaan training itu, i am sooo exited! Disamping bisa jalan2 keliling Indonesia, ini juga bisa jadi pekerjaan yang membawa manfaat. Berbagi ilmu dan pengetahuan dengan banyak orang. Seperti pekerjaan dosen tapi tidak sepenuhnya begitu. trainer itu penyebar semangat dan manfaat.. semoga Allah mengijinkan ini menjadi pekerjaan yang terbaik untuk saat ini bagiku. amiiiinnn....

Pak Tua itu Ternyata Adalah...

Aku diam di tempat, engkau berjalan
Aku berjalan, engkau berlari
Aku berlari, engkau terbang
Aku ikut terbang, engkau menghilang

Tiba-tiba engkau muncul begitu saja
di hadapan
Tersenyum simpul kayaknya monalisa
Tapi engkau bertopang tongkat
berkuasa!

Wahai kau yang mengikutiku, apa maumu?
Tidak tahukah kau siapa aku?
Dengan angkuh Pak Tua itu bertanya

Wahai Pak Tua, tahukah engkau?
Kataku lemah
Aku mengejarmu karena engkaulah yang kupunya
Satu-satunya yang kupunya
Diantara semua hal yang dicipta di dunia

Engkaulah yang paling berharga
Engkaulah penyimpan semua rahasia
Engkaulah sang pemberi tanda
Tapi mengapa engkau seolah tak mau tahu aku?
Meninggalkan aku?

Pak Tua itu tertawa keras
Sambil sekenanya berkata padaku
Aku ada sebelum engkau ada
Aku berjalan sebelum engkau sanggup berdiri
Tapi ketahuilah
Aku bukan pemberi tahu rahasia
Bukan pula penunjuk jalan
Jika kau masih juga tak tahu siapa aku
Kaulah yang nestapa

Karena akulah sang waktu
Dan waktu adalah waktu

A note for the future: to be the water or to become a Japanese

For the past few months, all i have been thinking is what my future would be. To return to Indonesia or not was simply a choice, but I choose to pick the idea. I was so afraid of the future as if the bleak future awaits at the end of the corder. While the truth is, no one knows what the future holds.

Walking toward the future is like walking in a long dark tunnel. Without any light, any map, or any sign that there is a way out. We might carry some candles, but we don't have the match or lighter. We are in a complete total darkness. Sometimes, we just wish that we could turn on the light and run faster.

But a friend reminds me this morning, that we have an alternative on how to move forward. Not by turning the light on the candle, but to make a new tunnel! yes, a new tunnel for ourself. Don't follow the path that has been laid out, make our own path.

So much his word, it reminds me of what Ibu Dewi once told us. "Dont act like water, try to become a Japanese". What does that means? Water usually will go along the streamline. Its shape will follow what it hits. If it hits a tree, then it will follow the shape of the tree trunk. If it hits the table, it will follow as well. But try to become a Japanese. It means that you dig the mountain, make a new tunnel for a new road or railway. Or to make a highway under water, like one in Odaiba, Tokyo.

Be brave and be bold. Quoting a friend," you need no candle, you need a hoe (cangkul)"

Yoooosshh.. Gambarou!

p.s. I would like to extend my utmost gratitude to a dear friend for giving me a time of peace when she said, "returning to Indonesia is not a bad idea. It feels like a bouncing ball. Indeed, you bounce to the bottom but the ball bounce back to the air even higher than before. So don't be afraid. You are coming back to Indonesia only to raise higher". Your word saved me.. Thank you..


Kyoto, 3 September 2010

Demi sebuah musim yang bersemu merah

Catatan akhir di Kyoto,

seindah sinar rembulan di musim gugur,
secantik semburat lembayung di musim semi,
seelok warna senja di musim panas,
seputih hamparan salju di musim dingin,

Dan catatan awal di Solo,

seenak makan selat solo sambil becanda
selezat makan tengkleng kambing di bawah gapura
senikmat minum es buah di tengah terik mentari
semantap makan sate sambil mengobrol diatas tikar lusuh


Bedanya?
Disana aku menikmati musim yang indah dan cinta yang mekar
Disini aku menikmati makanan yang lezat dan hidup yang menantang
Viva HIDUP

A Note for The Future: When the pain doesn't feel as painful as before

Have you ever felt that your wish is about to end when you fail to enter your dream school?
Have you ever felt that your dream is about to end when you fail to get a scholarship?
Have you ever felt that your future is about to crumble when you fail job interviews?
Have you ever felt that your lovelife is about to break down when your love is one sided?
Have you ever felt that your life is about to end when everything seems to go wrong?

been there, done that!

It felt freaking painful not to enter the dream school
It was so disappointing not to get a scholarship
It was sad to fail job applications and interviews
It was heart-breaking to know our love is one sided
and it felt like a shit when everything seems to go wrong

But....

History repeat itself
Time returns.. Jidai Mawaru...

When the same thing happen again
the pain, the sadness, the dissapointment
doesn't feel as painful as before again
because we learn and we grow
we become stronger..

To experience and to learn
that is my ultimate recipe to face life

縁, the bond between us

縁（えん/en), in Japanese it means bond or connection or emotional ties. A bond between two person. A destiny that lead them into a crossing in life.

An bond that creates unique connection between people. a bond of family, a bond of friendship, a bond between student-teacher, a bond between bos-staff, a bond between shop owner-customer, even a bond between people who just cross the street at the same time and never meet again in their lifetime.

Have you ever read a novel called "the five people you meet in heaven"? The book tell us a story about a man who just passed away. He then went to heaven where he had to cross through 5 rooms, to meet 5 people. The 5 people will explain him his true life even if this man didin't realize that they were indeed in his life.

So strange human relationship, that we never know what people in our life will do for us and us for them. But I believe that people are coming into our life for a reason, bringing something for us to learn, to experience. We are lead to those who help us most to grow if we let them to. Sadly, no one of us have a map to tell what role will that person have in our life or vice versa. No guidelines of what we do too. Like the man in the book, we are all clueless. Clueless to a simple event and a meeting with one person might change our life forever.

Well, I don't know either. Who among the 300.000 people that I might encounter in my life will teach me the most or vice versa. What will their role in our life. As the book try tell us, each and every one of them have their own role in our life and we are in their life. Maybe we will meet them again or maybe not. Who can say?

Today, I finished some document to rule out my plan for departure from Japan after finishing the master degree. The bell just hit home! It has been two years since I came to Japan and I am leaving Japan soon. Time went so fast. Then I ask myself, will I meet all these wonderful person again in my life? Will someday I have a chance to hug them again? Talk to them again? To see their face again? I heart hurt thinking about that

When Ayana tell me that there is an EN, a bond between us, I believe that whether we will meet again or not, we will be bonded forever. In a bond that unique from one to another. That in each bond will bring us smile and joy, sadness and tears, laugh and hugs, smile and kiss. In Indonesian, we call it, "jodoh".

For everyone in life is indeed special.

Living life is like assembling puzzle

Have you ever thought that life is like a puzzle?

If you ever believe in the so-called destiny like I do, then you must believe that several thing has been ruled out for us long before we were born. Such as born, death and our twin soul. The rest, we have to work out ourself.

Recently, I have been struggling if life. Jolting with many challenges and obstacles. I cried and screamed. To life that never give me any map or clue or hint on how I supposed to live my life. It is like walking in the long dark tunnel without knowing where is the end and what would be the end. It caused some frustration for not knowing what the future hold for us. Especially when thing get a lot tougher than we expected. I couldn't count anymore how many time I want to have a time machine so I can sneak peak the future.

Then again, many said that if we know the future, life will never be fun again. No mystery to be solved, no challenge drain up our curiosity. Life will be boring. Still, how can I make my life fun without having too much curiosity about life?

I remember back in my childhood how much I love playing puzzle. It is mysterious yet fun. Put the puzzle bit by bit. I even dare to have a thousands puzzle just to dare how much I can solve it. Maybe, i should treat life like that. A million part of puzzle. Life is like assembling it, bit by bit. If we got it wrong then we will have to re-do it again. If we got several part right, we gonna see the bigger picture. That is our achievement, our tomorrow.

Yes, living life is indeed like assembling puzzle. God has given us the broad picture, it is us to assemble it. Bit by bit.. failure after failure, Success after success.. and its mystery is what keep us going.

Catatan kecil untuk ayahku

Untuk Ayah tersayang,

Ayah, musim bola sudah tiba. Piala dunia! biasaya, ayah, aku dan adek mulai bertaruh siapa yang menang. Ayah pasti milih Belanda, mentang2 dulu pernah tinggal disana. Adek dengan entengnya milih Brazil. Aku, selalu tergantung, mentok ya Italia atau Spanyol. Adek selalu mengejekku dengan pilihan itu, katanya milihnya bukan atas dasar skill, tapi wajah rupawan. Tapi engkau Ayah, selalu hanya tertawa kalau persaingan bola ini terjadi di rumah.

Tertawa Ayah itu..

Aku jadi teringat sebuah cerita soal matahari. Matahari sepertinya selalu ditakdirkan untuk sendiri. Alangkah malangnya si matahari ketika suatu hari dia jatuh cinta setengah mati. Si matahari pasti akan mengharap dirinya bisa dekat dengan sang pujaan hati. Namun takdir tidak dapat ditolak, si matahari tidak mungkin bisa mendekat. Kalau ia mendekat, maka ia akan membakar sang cinta dengan sinarnya. Sadar akan hal itu, si matahari memilih untuk menjaga jarak. Menempatkan dirinya di titik terjauh orbit. Karena hanya dengan itu, ia bisa mencintai. Berada di titik terjauh agar sinarnya tidak membakar, tapi cukup untuk memberi kehangatan. Kehangatan yang membawa kehidupan dan keceriaan.

Ayah, engkaulah matahari itu.. Pemberi nafas kehidupan dan keceriaan dalam hidupku. Kau layaknya menjaga jarak dengan tidak pernah marah padaku. Tapi kau tahu kapan untuk menasehati dan memberiku teladan. Kapan untuk mengajakku bercanda atau sekedar taruhan bola.

Ayah, semoga Tuhan mencintaimu jauh lebih dari aku mencintaimu


daddy's little girl

Bermain kuis dengan Tuhan

Ini cerita seseorang yang hidupnya dulu penuh dengan cerita gilang gemilang
tapi kemudian, cerita itu memudar dan hampir-hampir tidak pernah menghampirinya lagi

Dia seorang pemimpi, petualang, perencana. Mimpinya bermacam-macam. Petualangan yang diinginkannya juga beraneka ragam. Dan dia selalu berfikir, apa yang dirancangnya itu akan menjadi nyata asal dia berusaha dan percaya diri, tak lupa berdoa seperti yang selalu diajarkan Ayah dan Ibunya.

Dia sungguh percaya diri. Semua hal direncanakannya, dari kegiatan esok hari hingga 20 tahun kedepan. Sungguh beruntung dirinya, semua yang dia rencanakan berjalan seperti yang dia harapkan. Dia masuk universitas yang diinginkannya. Dia bekerja sesuai yang dia inginkan. Dan dia menenteng beasiswa ke negeri yang selalu diimpikannya. Tepat di waktu yang dia rencakanan. Itu hingga tahun ke 15 rencana jangka panjangnya. Di tahun yang ke 16, semuanya berubah...

Satu demi satu kegagalan mulai menghampiri. Dia gagal menerbitkan tulisan yang telah disusun berminggu-minggu. Dia tidak jadi mengepak barangnya dan pergi mengembara ke negeri yang dulu pernah mau menghancurkan dunia. Bahkan hal kecil seperti kegiatan sukarela pun tidak bisa dilakukannya

Dia menunduk putus asa, meratap, dan bertanya. Dia pernah berfikir untuk menyalahkan Tuhan atas semua kemalangan dan kesedihan yang menimpanya. Apa yang terjadi dalam hidupnya? Apa yang sedang berlaku atas dirinya?


Lantas dia bertanya, "Wahai Tuhanku, sedang bermain kuis-kah dirimu denganku?


Dia membayangkan, kuis dan jawaban dari kuis itu tak ubahnya seperti takdir. Tuhan tidak memberikan jawaban dari kuis itu, tapi menantang kita untuk menjawabnya.

Dia membayangkan, pertanyaan kuis Tuhan terdahulu mungkin adalah "bisakah kau bersekolah ke luar negeri?" dan jawaban dari kuis adalah dia akan bersekolah ke luar negeri. Tapi Tuhan tidak pernah memberi tahu cara apa yang bisa kita pakai dan berapa lama kita bisa menjawabnya. Kita yang menentukan jalan itu sendiri. Dia ingat, dia beberapa kali gagal mendaftar beasiswa, tapi dia yakin dia bisa dapat suatu hari nanti. Dan dia berhasil.

Sekarang, ketika semua kegagalan itu menyergap kembali kini, dia bertanya-tanya apa Tuhan sedang melemparkan kuis yang lain. Dulu, karena dia berhasil menjawab kuis yang di tingkat menengah alias intermediate, mungkin sekarang dia diberi kuiz yang upper-intermediate. Pasti pertanyaanya lebih rumit atau justu mudah tapi perlu kejelian. Mungkin butuh waktu yang lebih lama atau tebakan yang lebih banyak. Dan kegagalan itu tidak ubahnya seperti gagal menebak jawaban kuis. Makin banyak gagal, makin mahir lah kita memilah-milah jawaban dan memilih jalan yang lebih canggih.

"Sesederhana itukah?", dia bertanya

Mungkin memang sesederhana itu.. dia berfikir. Hidup selalu penuh misteri, kita tidak pernah tahu apa yang akan terjadi esok hari. Kuis itu adalah tentang hari esok. Dan menjawab kuis itu ya seperti menjawab kuis biasa. Kita berfikir trus menjawab. Kalau salah, ya mikir lagi. Nah, kadang jadi sebel karena ga dapet-dapet jawabannya. Tapi kalau menyerah, pasti penonton sebel. Yang ngasih kuis pasti mentong bilang "aaahh.. gitu aja nyerah. Ga seru ah lo!"

Wuaduh, kalau dibilang "ga seru" ma Tuhan, bisa berabe ya? dia tiba-tiba tercenung. Ah.. dia lantas bertekad untuk berjuang menjawab kuis Tuhan lagi. Biar dia tetep jadi orang yang seru dan Tuhan bersedia bermain kuis dengannya sampai entah kapan.

Dia membuka buku diarinya kembali.. Mencoret sana-sini. Membuat catatan dan membongkar semua CV, tulisan atau apalah itu. Dia mau berjuang lagi, mencoba lagi, bangkit berjalan lagi. Dia mau melangkah lebih tegar karena dia tahu, hidup akan memberikan jutaan cara baginya untuk menjawab kuis untuk Tuhan dan cara itu pasti jadi petualangan yang seru untuknya. Hidup akan lebih hidup (mencontek iklan, pikirnya!)

Dia akhir catatannya, dia menulis untuk Tuhan
"p.s. Tuhan, terimakasih ya udah berkenan bermain kuis denganku. Maaf ya aku butuh waktu lama untuk menjawab kuis yang sekarang. Tapi aku tidak menyerah kok. Biar aku dibilang seru alias cool ato hip sama Tuhan dan Tuhan mau terus bermain kuis denganku".

originally written on May 16th 2010

a little girl and her cousin

She was 12 years old when her beloved cousin got married. On the wedding day, she couldn't hardly wait to see her cousin so she rushed to her room as soon as possible. Her cousin was sitting in front of the mirror, looking extremely beautiful in her wedding dress.

"You are soooo beautiful, mbak.. I want to be like you", pipped the little girl happily.

Her cousin just smiled and hug her so tight. Later she said..
"My little girl, let me tell you one story.. You might not know what i am saying right now. But i want you to remember it for a life to come.

In our life, there will be two man. One man is the one you call love of your life. Another man is your partner of life, the one with whom you will spend the rest of your life.

Some of us are lucky to have them in only one person. The love of your life is the one you grow old together. Yet, many of us have them in two different persons. Doesn't mean we are not lucky, though. We are extremely lucky, indeed. We are blessed with abundant love. Love to feel, give and share.

Be happy, my little girl. May you find happiness in all the love you have"

She was stunned, not understanding a single word her cousin just said. Took years for her to finally understand what her cousin said. When she finally grasp the story, she is more than happy to embrace the love and share the story with the rest of the world

something about accepting imperfection

nobody is perfect
not every thing is perfect

I don't know how many times do we heard that wise wisdom?
how many times do we try to apply that for our life.
many times maybe..
but for me, i always have a hard time accepting imperfection.

by saying this,it doesnt mean that i am perfect.
i am far from perfect, my life, my personality, my career..
everything about me is not perfect.

but having an imperfect me, is it hard to expect only perfect stuff to the things that i have bought myself?
the things to keep me happy,to satisfy my need.
what is wrong with that?
it is not human i am talking about,
but more about stuff, things, hardware! esp electronic things!
if it's not perfect, i am more than happy to throw it or give it away
or sell it as soon as i can
i hate seeing them!!!

apparantly,i am learning the hardest way to know this part of my broken personality
and how to accept it & make peace with it.
why this things came so hard?

For years,i am tired to be an imperfect little cousin.
had to be the one that always look upon my so-called perfect cousin.
years later,i realize she is just as imperfect as i am

and for years after that, i am tired pretending to be a perfect big sister.
i am not!i am tired to live as role model.
for GOD's sake,i am just as imperfect as my poor little brother.


how could i deal with this imperfection thing?
how should i make peace with this?

a-supposed-hair-makeover

Fashion disaster or hair makeover turn disaster can happen to anyone. Trust me on this.

Take for example actors or actresses. They love to change their hair do. Some of them made it well into the gossip headline, others got the fashion police slapping on their face in front of national television. Well, if I thought that I could escape the fate just because I am not an artist, I am surely perfectly wrong!

It happened couple week ago when I felt like the time for another hair cut has come. I had lived with this hair style for over 6 months. So, I guess a fresh cut will do. Plus another straight perm after that. So, I came to local famous hair salon in a hope for better style. But my oh my.. don’t judge the salon for its fame. I came out of the salon feeling no good and all the people who met me that day asked what’s wrong with my hair. I feel so bad the whole day. Then my mom offered me a kind help. Fix my hair a bit. So, I got a second cut of the day.

Still, I felt so bad every time I looked at my self in the mirror. I kept asking two of my friends who came with me for a vacation how did my hair look. I guess I kept nagging them on that one particular question that has a magnitude of atom missile to eliminate all their patient.

Then, all of a sudden, when I asked Haruka how’s my hair for I had no idea how many times already, she finally said
“What’s important is your smile, Nurul. It doesn’t matter what hair do you have, good or bad. All you need to do is smiling and its all okay”.

I startled when she said that. Then I realize how true that word is. Yes, it is not my hair that matter. What matter is whether I keep my smile or not. Cause when we smile, the world could smile too. I hugged Haruka and thanked her for the best advice she just gave me. I smile, not because of my hair, but because I know I am lucky to have Haruka as my friend. Since that day, I started to like my hair no matter what. Then, I found how to live with it, in its new style.

originally written on March 16, 2009

There is a reason why we met someone

I just finished my tour in Himeji Castle. In freaking hot weather, took a break and had some drinks would be the best choice for avoiding any possibilities of dying from dehydration. While enjoying my ice cream, i suddenly heard somebody played a song. So familiar that I quicky knew that the song is called "Bengawan Solo", a very popular song composed by Gesang. A song that tells the story about Bengawan Solo, a river so famous in my hometown. And it is Solo, my hometown.

I finished my last bite quickly and run toward the man playing the song with his flute. I was standing 10 meters from him, watching him playing the flute and enjoying the melody. It was close to tear for me to hear that song in Japanese soil. the first time for me.. and he played it beautifully.

I thanked him for playing the song, a song that reminds me much of my hometown. He sounds so surprise then he asked about where is my hometown. I said, my hometown is Solo, a small city where the river lies and was named after. It was somehow a surpise for him. He actually never knew that Solo is the name of a city . He only know the song from YouTube and played it that day. I was then the one taken by surprise knowing that a man who knew nothing about my hometown could play that song so beautifully.

In my mind, there might be just simple reason why we met. For him, it might be about learning about Solo. And for me, it might be about healing the pain from missing my hometown so much. As simple as that...

But no matter what, I knew our path has crossed. But sadly it might well be that we would never meet again. Yet, I will always thankful for meeting him that day. He made me realize that my hometown is indeed lies in my heart. That even know in Japan, I can called a place where I live, "home".


I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led, to those who help us most to grow
If we let them, and we help them in return


p.s.
To you who played the song so beautifully, I thank you

originally written on August 4

Journey and Destiny

A very good friend of mine just sent me this poet not long ago
when I read this..I really cannot hold my tears
this poems is....
ironically explain what i have been feeling for all this years

here we go the poem

What is the most precious yet all-pervading?
What is the most selfish yet giving?
What is the most intoxicating yet humbling?
What is it that we all are searching?

To think that it is never impossible
To think that it endures
To constantly seek the love of someone
To be acquainted with, to be captivated
To venture, to enter
To persevere, to hope

My other half is a destiny
The reunion is a journey
My foresight is not the paramount
The courage is the jewel of the crown

Where do I go from here..?


p.s.
my dearest susan,
where do we go from here?
what will we do from now?
and what pray we will have from this day on?
shall we go on with this journey?

Journey and Destiny

A very good friend of mine just sent me this poet not long ago
when I read this..I really cannot hold my tears
this poems is....
ironically explain what i have been feeling for all this years

here we go the poem

What is the most precious yet all-pervading?
What is the most selfish yet giving?
What is the most intoxicating yet humbling?
What is it that we all are searching?

To think that it is never impossible
To think that it endures
To constantly seek the love of someone
To be acquainted with, to be captivated
To venture, to enter
To persevere, to hope

My other half is a destiny
The reunion is a journey
My foresight is not the paramount
The courage is the jewel of the crown

Where do I go from here..?


p.s.
my dearest susan,
where do we go from here?
what will we do from now?
and what pray we will have from this day on?
shall we go on with this journey?

Searching for Perfection

When I started working at my office now, I never guessed what my biggest weakness would be. During the interview beforehand, I told Mbak Ima - program manager- that my biggest weakness till date would be lack of patience and unable to speak loud if something happen wrong coz im much like other Javanese, tend to keep everything in the heart. That is bad enough when some conflict or misunderstanding happen. Or if I dislike other than it reflects in my behavior rather than speaking frankly about it.

well..well..time really shows everything. Apparently, I was right only on the first item. lack of patience keeps me losing focus on my job several time. I admit that I cannot focus on one job or writing for a certain period of time. I always tend to go from one page to another page without paying much attention only in one job. suck really! I thought that I am a multitasking person who cannot stay working on one job only at a moment.

But then I realize that if I keep on doing this, I will not able to finish any of my job perfectly. There will always something wrong. whether it is wrong spelling, wrong written name, even made a mistake in copy-pasting my own writing!! stupid..superly stupid..

And today..no matter how much I try to make no mistake in the letter I made, finally the mistake is there all along!!! oh God...another missing part again. Like no matter how much I try to correct everything, I always ending up in failing almost all effort. Even when mbak Wenny said its ok..NO! its not okay! I've been living with all this stupid habit of impatience and lack of details for years. I cannot live with this anymore! I have to get up! but hooooww??? What can I do to fix this one? What can I do to erase this habit? How many years more I have to spend to get the perfect note for everthing I write??

my journey to search for the perfection seems like no ending road...

Ariel and Joe's Quotation and My Dream

Just finished reading some articles that quoted Joe Cheng and Ariel's interview..
and whoalaaaa...I found some extremely good quotations there..
I was inspired by them for quite sometimes now..
the way the move on with their carrier is amazing..
and after finding this quotation, I know I made the right choice


大头：我希望我的太太是家庭主妇
依晨： 我心中自有一套衡量标准存在，不可能本末倒置一辈子都在工作！一旦达到自订的那份成就感之後，我当然会回归家人、爱人和孩子的身边！
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe: Life is the extension of oneself, the extension of dream.
Ariel: One’s own life should be strived by oneself. Even if fail at least you’ve tried.


大头:我也会为爱疯狂
依晨：人一辈子能有几次机会遇到自己为之疯狂的人事物呢?你能大声地说出你热爱的事情是什么.并花上大半辈子的时间追逐吗?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe: My sole enemy is myself. The only one I have to surpass is also myself.
Ariel: I want to challenge myself.


At this very moment, I make another two dreams to be made come true within the next few years
first, make a Japan trip
second, take internship in the UN
third, plan for my doctoral degree in Europe, preferably Norway or Spain

Keep the dream alive, people...
and spread your wings so wide...

Prinsip 90/10

PRINSIP 90/10
Oleh : STEPHEN COVEY

Bagaimana prinsip 90/10 itu ?
- 10% dari hidup anda terjadi karena apa yang langsung anda alami.
- 90% dari hidup anda ditentukan dari cara anda bereaksi.

Apa maksudnya ?
Anda tidak dapat mengendalikan 10% dari kondisi yang terjadi pada diri
anda.

Contohnya :
Anda tidak dapat menghindar dari kemacetan. Pesawat terlambat datang dan
hal ini akan membuang seluruh schedule anda. Kemacetan telah menghambat
seluruh rencana anda. Anda tidak dapat mengontrol kondisi 10% ini.
Tetapi beda dengan 90% lainnya. Anda dapat mengontrol yang 90% ini.
Bagaimana caranya ? Dari cara reaksi anda !!
Anda tidak dapat mengontrol lampu merah, tetapi anda dapat mengontrol
reaksi anda.

Marilah kita lihat contoh dibawah ini :


Kondisi 1
Anda makan pagi dengan keluarga anda. Anak anda secara tidak sengaja menyenggol cangkir kopi minuman anda sehingga pakaian kerja anda tersiram kotor. Anda tidak dapat mengendalikan apa yang baru saja terjadi.

Reaksi anda :
Anda bentak anak anda karena telah menjatuhkan kopi ke pakaian anda. Anak anda akhirnya menangis. Setelah membentak, anda menoleh ke istri anda dan mengkritik karena telah menaruh cangkir pada posisi terlalu pinggir diujung meja. Akhirnya terjadi pertengkaran mulut. Anda lari ke kamar dan cepat-cepat ganti baju. Kembali ke ruang makan, anak anda masih menangis sambil
menghabiskan makan paginya. Akhirnya anak anda ketinggalan bis. Istri anda harus secepatnya pergi kerja. Anda buru-buru ke mobil dan mengantar anak anda ke sekolah. Karena anda telat, anda laju mobil dengan kecepatan 70 km/jam padahal batas kecepatan hanya boleh 60 km/jam. Setelah terlambat 15 menit dan terpaksa mengeluarkan kocek Rp 600.000,- karena melanggar lalu lintas, akhirnya anda sampai di sekolah. Anak anda secepatnya keluar dari mobil tanpa pamit. Setelah tiba di kantor dimana anda telat 20 menit, anda baru ingat kalau tas anda tertinggal di rumah. Hari kerja anda dimulai dengan situasi buruk. Jika diteruskan maka akan semakin buruk. Pikiran anda terganggu karena kondisi di rumah. Pada saat tiba di rumah, anda menjumpai beberapa gangguan hubungan dengan istri dan anak anda.

Mengapa ? Karena cara anda bereaksi pada pagi hari.
Mengapa anda mengalami hari yang buruk ?*
1. Apakah penyebabnya karena kejatuhan kopi ?
2. Apakah penyebabnya karena anak anda ?
3. Apakah penyebabnya karena polisi lalu lintas ?
4. Apakah anda penyebabnya ?
Jawabannya adalah No. 4 yaitu penyebabnya adalah anda sendiri !!

Anda tidak dapat mengendalikan diri setelah apa yang terjadi pada cangkir kopi. Cara anda bereaksi dalam 5 detik tersebut ternyata adalah penyebab hari buruk anda.


Berikut adalah contoh yang sebaiknya atau seharusnya anda sikapi.
Kondisi 2
Cairan kopi menyiram baju anda. Begitu anak anda akan menangis, anda berkata lembut : "Tidak apa-apa sayang, lain kali hati-hati ya." Anda ambil handuk kecil dan lari ke kamar. Setelah mengganti pakaian dan mengambil tas, secepatnya anda menuju jendela ruang depan dan melihat
anak anda sedang naik bis sambil melambaikan tangan ke anda. Anda kemudian mengecup lembut pipi istri anda dan mengatakan : "Sampai jumpa makan malam nanti." Anda datang ke kantor 5 menit lebih cepat dan dengan muka cerah menegur staff anda. Bos anda mengomentari semangat dan kecerahan hari anda di kantor.Apakah anda melihat perbedaan kedua kondisi tersebut ?

2 (dua) skenario berbeda, dimulai dengan kondisi yang sama, diakhiri dengan kondisi berbeda.

Mengapa ?
Ternyata penyebabnya adalah dari cara anda bereaksi ! Anda tidak dapat mengendalikan 10% dari yang sudah terjadi. Tetapi yang 90% tergantung dari reaksi anda sendiri. Ini adalah cara untuk menerapkan prinsip 90/10. Jika ada orang yang mengatakan hal buruk tentang anda, jangan cepat terpancing. Biarkan serangan tersebut mengalir seperti air di gelas. Anda jangan membiarkan komentar buruk tersebut mempengaruhi anda. Jika beraksi seadanya atau salah reaksi maka akan menyebabkan anda: kehilangan teman, dipecat, stress dan lain-lain yang merugikan.

Bagaimana reaksi anda jika mobil anda mengalami kemacetan dan terlambat masuk kantor ? Apakah anda akan marah ? Memukul stir mobil ? Memaki-maki ? Apakah tekanan darah anda akan naik cepat ? Siapa yang peduli jika anda datang telat 10 detik ? Kenapa anda biarkan kondisi tersebut merusak hari anda ?

Cobalah ingat prinsip 90/10 dan jangan khawatir, masalah anda akan cepat terselesaikan.

Contoh lain :
- Pesawat terlambat.
Kondisi ini merusak seluruh schedule anda. Kenapa anda marah-marah kepada petugas tiket di bandara ? Mereka tidak dapat mengendalikan terhadap apa yang terjadi. Kenapa harus stress ? Kondisi ini justru akan memperburuk kondisi anda. Gunakan waktu anda untuk mempelajari situasi, membaca buku yang anda bawa, atau mengenali penumpang lain.

Sekarang anda sudah tahu prinsip 90/10. Gunakanlah dalam aktivitas harian anda dan anda akan kagum atas hasilnya. Tidak ada yang hilang dan hasilnya sangat menakjubkan. Sudah berjuta-juta orang menderita akibat stress, masalah berat, cobaan hidup dan sakit hati yang sebenarnya hal ini dapat diatasi jika kita mengerti cara menggunakan prinsip 90/10.

NIKMATILAH HIDUP INI !!